


I'm Sorry

by lovelyroses



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Child Death, Heavy Angst, Slurs, Verbal Abuse, iroh has a sister for some reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 12:42:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19173520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyroses/pseuds/lovelyroses
Summary: Before Ozai was born, Iroh had a younger sister. She was the apple of everyone's eye and the light of everyone's lives. Iroh, especially, doted on her and swore to protect her- until the day he couldn't.





	I'm Sorry

At the beginning of the dry season, a very auspicious time, a little princess was born to Fire Lord Azulon and his wife Ilah. Everyone, seven-year-old Iroh included, had been eagerly awaiting her arrival. The girl had the spark, as had Iroh, but it was softer, less like fire and more like a ray of sunshine. Azulon figured this was acceptable, because at least she was a firebender. And even if she wasn't, it wouldn't matter, because she was a spare. She was called Chiaki, "sparkling light".

Iroh was fascinated with his little sister. When he was finished with his studies, he was apt to walk to the nursery and stare into her little eyes. She had a mess of soft dark hair and a little button nose. He marveled at how a person could be that small. Why, she was only the size of a bag of flour! He couldn't help but have a soft spot for her. After all, she was cute, and her smile could just melt your heart.

The two grew older, as children do. Chiaki said her first words, took her first steps. Iroh enjoyed showing her what things were and teaching her new words. The girl was like a sponge dropped in water, always learning and discovering new things about the world around her. By the time she was three, her brother had taught her to read. "Smart girl," Ilah said once.

Iroh, meanwhile, was advancing quite well in his studies. He was advancing in his firebending training, as well. His instructor noted that he had drive and ambition, and it was showing. But his father lamented that the boy lacked ruthlessness. Iroh just didn't have it in him to kill. He couldn't even bring himself to burn down a  _training dummy_. Azulon tried to teach his son to kill without mercy, but to no avail. His verbal prompts did nothing. One afternoon, frustrated, his father yelled, "It's a matter of time before you are a man. How will you protect your nation if you cannot kill?"

 "Father, I just don't have the heart to kill."

"It matters little what is in your _heart_ , boy. It's all in the _mind_."

Still, this "advice" did not make him feel any less conflicted. He found more solace in the time he spent with his sister, but even those moments were becoming fewer and further between. She was now five years old, just beginning her firebending training and doing reasonably well. She wanted to be like her brother, and sometimes, when she saw him practicing, she'd try to copy some of the moves, only to trip and fall when they became too complex for her. He'd look over and hold back laughter. "Careful, Chiaki!"

She'd sit there and pout. "I want to be as good as _you_ are!"

"Don't worry, Chiaki. You will be. But for now, just stay with the beginner sets. It takes time and practice to get better, so there's no need to rush."

"Oh, _all_ right." 

That summer, as always, the family took their vacation to Ember Island. Iroh always loved it there. All his problems seemed to wash away with the tides. He would get a much-needed break from his lessons, and for once, his parents wouldn't argue.

They were strange, Azulon and Ilah's arguments. Ilah could say one thing Azulon didn't agree with, and he would yell at her and escalate the situation. The bitter exchanges could go on for as long as a full hour. Azulon would usually resort to calling her names, such as "stupid bitch" or "insolent little whore". After these explosions, they would avoid each other for hours, or even days. Whenever their parents argued, Iroh and Chiaki would find a place to hide. Then Chiaki would ask, "Iroh, why do Mother and Father fight so much?"

Iroh could never answer this, because he worried that his answer might break the little girl's heart. _Father hates Mother. He thinks she should be put in her place._ Now that he was twelve, his father had started talking to him about women, and the boy could never understand what Azulon said about "putting women in their place". Once, he'd asked, "Why do women have a different place?"

"Because they are weaker."

But Iroh didn't agree with this, because he saw that his own mother was quite strong. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. She was always calm and levelheaded, and she put up with Azulon despite his insufferable nature. He promised himself that he would teach Chiaki that she had no "place" to be put into, and that she didn't have to change who she was for anyone. 

One beautiful summer day, he decided to take Chiaki exploring. So they put their swimsuits on, ran outside, and went into the water. He showed her different kinds of shells and taught her how to catch turtle crabs. Then he taught her how to swim. Like the fast learner she was, she was kicking and paddling on her own in almost no time.

When they got tired of swimming, he told her, "There's so much more of this beach to see. Where do you want to go now?"

She pointed to a high cliff. "There!"

He laughed. "All right, then."

So they raced out of the water and clambered up the trail that led to the top of the cliff. Chiaki tried to keep up with her brother, but her little legs couldn't carry her that far. So he helped her up. Panting, their hands on their knees, they looked down on the beach from the top. "The people look tiny," she said.

"Yeah, they really do."

The view was just stunning. The sky was a bright, cloudless blue. The ocean was calm today. None of the ripping waves that could knock over a grown man if he wasn't careful. Just the tide, pushing in and out. "Do you want to play a game?" he asked.

She jumped up and down and squealed. "What game?"

"How about hide-and-go-seek?"

"Yay! Can I hide?"

"Sure!"

So he put his hands over his eyes and counted to twenty while she scurried off to find a hiding place. Then, when he took his hands off of his eyes, he searched for her. The grass was thick; she was small enough to hide in it. But she wasn't there. So he checked behind a few of the bushes, although they were just shrubs. He knew his sister was good at this game, but as the sky started changing and he checked and re-checked every possible place, he got scared. Just then, his mother rushed out. "Iroh! Chiaki!"

"Mother! I'm up here!" He waved to her.

"It's starting to rain. I think you ought to come inside."

Sure enough, he noticed he was feeling raindrops on his head. "All right, I'm still looking for Chiaki!"

She started to climb up the trail. " _Looking_ for her? I thought you were watching her!"

"Mother, I was! We're playing hide-and-go-seek."

"Oh." She paused. "How about I help you look for her?"

So they searched and searched, calling her name. The gray clouds got darker and darker. The water was getting rough now. The rain came down so hard that their clothes were now soaking wet. "We'll never find her," said Iroh.

"Don't worry. We will."

Just then, something washed up on the shore. It looked like a big fish, but as they got closer, they realized it was a small child. And when they turned her over, she was tangled in a web of seaweed, her lips blue. Ilah, her fingers shaking, pushed her eyelids open. The sparkling eyes they once knew and loved were dull and lifeless. It was all too much. She fell to the ground and sobbed.

Iroh had never seen either of his parents cry, so it was a shock to see his mother in such a state. He placed a hand on her heaving back, but she must not have noticed. Finally, she straightened up, picked up the body, and they walked home.

"Where is Chiaki?" asked his father.

They both showed him the corpse and shook their heads.

That night, in his bed, he could hear them arguing.

"You're a stupid woman! Were it not for you, she would still be here!"

"Oh, so it's _my_ fault? I _told_ you that that cliff was no place for children to be by themselves!"

"She was with Iroh!"

"So? He's a child, too!"

He sat up in his bed and began to cry. _It's all my fault. She'd still be here if it wasn't for that stupid game of hide-and-go-seek._ And every night after that, he developed a habit of whispering an apology to Chiaki: _I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I wasn't being a good older brother._ He knew it was futile, but wherever she was, he wanted her to forgive him.

There was a month-long mourning period declared for her. Every picture of her was draped with a white shroud. And three years later, another child was born. He had a spark, a bright, fiery one. He was called Ozai. And Chiaki was never mentioned.

Many years later, long after Iroh had married and had a son of his own, Lu Ten, he felt this same guilt and shame when his son went into battle and never returned. _I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I will never forgive myself._

But some people, you just can't protect forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Gaaah, this sucked, sorry. I just had this idea and wanted to get it out.


End file.
